


You’re My Best Friend

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Past Childhood Abuse, Rick doesn’t cheat, Rimming, Sadness, Tags will be added, abused Shane, cursing, mentions of panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-05-04 16:56:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Shane And Rick have been best friends forever but now Shane feels more. Only problem is Rick is married and Shane is emotionally repressed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic on this awesome pairing!

Rick parked his patrol car at the side of the road taking a break. It was the middle of July in Georgia and felt like a skunk, sweat turning his tan shirt dark but at least he had company. 

“We should buy out a gas station full of slushies and rent a room to bathe in it.”

“Why not save your money and take it home?” Rick smirked laughing at Shane grimacing about potential wasted money on a scenario they wouldn’t ever do.

“Lori would kill me if I messed up the tub though she cleans it everyday.”

“She should since you risk your life and she stays home on her ass.”

“Hey now we have Carl to take care of.”

“He’s seven and in school now.” Shane countered, there was no hiding how much he hated the woman.

“You never liked her ever since the night I took her to prom.”

“And I’ll keep my mouth shut on that one.”

Over the years Shane reminded him at every turn that Lori was loose and left the prom early to have a quickie with Steven Burke and Rick still a virgin took her back a year later but she had changed and never cheated on him and four years later they got married and had Carl after five more. Rick was thirty three and happy with his life going home to the only woman he had ever been with.

A speeding black charger had Rick turning on his sirens and forgetting their conversation to pursue a teenager who slowed down quickly.

A few more calls and speeding cars and they pulled over again this time getting actual slushies to cool the heat blossoming in their every pore.

“I still say you shouldn’t have let the teen go.”

“How many chances did you get in that mustang of yours? You were always pulled over but got out of it.”

“With my mouth! He didn’t even try to sway his way out of it, I bet he had to change his drawers after you wrote him a warning.”

“Now Shane.” Rick patted his shoulder then parked up the road and used his radar to ticket slower speeders.

“Remember that time we flooded Mr. Anderson’s office? Everybody thought it was Kyle and we were staying quiet and let him take the credit.”

“That was a good thang too, they expelled him when someone ratted him out on a lie.”

“Yeah every time I see our old principal I have to contain myself.”

“Like with everything else.”

Leaning back in his seat Shane eyed Rick, a blue drop of slush was on his lip and he darted his pink tongue out and licked it away. He was sweaty but he still looked good, pushing his wet curls out of his face and when he closed his eyes Shane loved how serene he looked even in a few minutes. Shane knew Lori wasn’t good for him, didn't appreciate Rick for taking care of her and still cleaning up the house and taking care of Carl so she could run Arline town being pampered. Try as he might he could never find a woman who was half as kind as Rick or piqued his interest as much. Rick would kill him if he ever found out.

“I wish you could settle down Shane, you're getting older and I don't want you to be alone.”

“I can have a different pussy every day of the week like a damn sushi bar. Why would I cash that in?”

“For happiness, to have a kid. Don't you want some?”

“Ruining my baseball cards and spitting up on me? Keeping me up all night? I’ll pass.”

“I can set you up with Donna.”

“No Rick.”

A year ago Shane would agree to any woman he suggested without even asking how she looked much less her personality but one day he did the oddest thing and declined a blind date and then it kept happening. Donna was a pretty brunette, soft voiced and sweet. Somehow she was still shy though she had a curvy figure. They would be the perfect match but for nearly six months now Shane had been rejecting her as well as every other suitor.

“Are you depressed?” It came out before he could take it out. Shane hadn’t talked about a girl in a moment and he seemed off.

“Me? Depressed?”

“You're not the same Shane.”

“Excuse me for not wanting to take your desperate friend out on a date. If she’s ’ that hot it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Rick rubbed is eyebrows. “Be nice Shane. She’s a looker.”

“Then like I said it shouldn't be a problem for her.”

Rick grabbed Shane’s hand and held it making his friend huff out a breath of shock but he didn’t move his hand away. “Just tell me your okay.”

Shane wanted to lie. Pretend that seeing Rick everyday didn’t hurt him more. Everything would have been fine if he didn’t wear those too tight jeans one day and lean into him drunkenly. He smelled nice and whispered low into Shane’s ear. “You're my best friend.” Was all he said but his tongue touched his ear and his cock twitched and Rick turned away to stuff his face with brownies but Shane had to rub it out foolishly thinking he could imagine some woman's body to make him cum but instead it was Rick’s.

“I’m okay.” He looked down wanting the floor to swallow him whole.

“Look at me and say it.” After a friendship since kindergarten Rick knew him too well.

Shakily exhaling Shane closed his eyes preparing to act like he had many times before. Looking into a vast ocean of blue he smiled. “I am Rick. I’m good.”

It was a lie, like the ones Shane used to tell him when he came to school with a black eye or broken bone. The sting of the lie didn’t hurt him but knowing Shane wasn’t okay was blistering. “Your dad.”

“Fuck my dad Rick! What does he have to do with this? You asked me a question and I answered. I’m no liar!” Shane panicked at hearing his dad mentioned, he hadn’t thought of him in months and he rubbed his scalp irritated at Rick and all his touchy feely bullshit, he didn’t know a damn thing.

“I’m sorry Shane.”

“You should be.” Shane barked out coldy the sadness at Rick being taken not seering when images of his dad were at the forefront of his mind again. “Thanks for that.”

“Shane I’d never…”

“What? Make me think of that asshat when I don’t have to?”

Rick hunched his shoulders looking like a guilty cat that ate the family pet. Before Shane wouldn’t give a shit but he hated seeing him look this way now.

“I’m sorry I got mad Rick it’s just not everything has to circle back to him. He’s dead.”

Rick sat quiet a minute hoping it was okay to speak his mind. “Shane. I um I just have to say this. Yeah, he’s dead but what he did to you didn’t die with him and you're so smart and brave that anything you set your mind to you can do and you don't let feelings or problems bog you down. You find solutions and the only thing that's ever got you down is him and for a while now you have been down.”

He couldn’t be angry now, Rick didn’t just say that. His best friend knew him best and didn’t say that so he leaned over in the passenger seat and touched the glove compartment feeling the slick black slide across his fingertips. “I’m not a robot. I have feelings.”

“Hey.” Rick touched his back rubbing it like he used to do so much, the touches never stopped once he married but the were diminished to when he had a breakdown or a celebration. It wasn’t fair that it couldn't’ be every day. “I didn’t mean it that way. I know things get to you I just meant you never let it last.”

“I’m not happy Rick.” Shane breathed out forcing it to be said before he could take it back.

Rick’s thumb brushed against his back soothing him before sweeping up and down his back. “I know.” 

But Rick didn’t know because there was no way he could know that Shane had feelings for him and felt like only he could make him feel any resemblance of happiness again.down his spine. “I know.”

But Rick couldn’t know what he hid from him, it was getting harder going to his home alone each night wanting to be with his friend just to be held tight. It would never happen and Rick wouldn’t touch him like this again until he broke or his Birthday came, whichever first and if he wasn’t so tired then maybe he would have cried. Rick was better off without him anyway his mind supplied as Rick’s fingers kept rubbing him through.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Is it shit? I’m still gonna write it!

”Hey honey!” Lori didn’t turn away from chopping vegetables for dinner.

“Dad!” Carl ran to him and hugged him tight, lately Lori had been little cranky but he figured it was hormones. 

“Smells good Lori.” He kissed her cheek and she frowned but allowed it never letting go of her knife.

“Work was real busy today. Shane and me ticketed a lot of speeders.” Still getting no answer he went upstairs to take a shower.

Pressing his back to the hot stream of water Rick thought of Shane, something was wrong and he didn’t know how to fix it. Trying to talk to him after he admitted he wasn't alright was futile and his touch seemed to burn the man who pushed him off and said it had just been a rough week rather than months. Submerging his face in water Rik didn't know what to do because for once he had the suspicion that this wasn’t actually to do with his dad.

Meanwhile Shane opened the door to his fridge and picked up a bottle of beer. His dad was a drunk but he was always able to moderate his own use but now he felt like he could drink the whole pack in one sitting and he vowed never to do that. If he wasn’t so stupid and admitted to Rick how he felt it would be okay and he loved when Rick touched him but he needed to wean himself off of that. Liking it was wrong and Lori was a bitch, it had nothing to do with jealousy but it wasn’t right. Rick was a married man and he needed to respect that. Opening the fridge again he got all the beer out and dumped in down the drain, time to let it go.

The night was dull, he flipped through the channels, didn’t want to eat and went to bed at eight o’clock just to toss and turn. He thought of Rick, then Carl who he loved like his own son then Julie the only woman he ever loved who cheated on him and that was karma because he did it himself but never to her. Then his dad, angrily pushing on his nightstand everything came crashing down and he berated himself, it didn’t help to get angry. That led to abuse and damned if he would do that then he laughed because he didn’t even have anyone to abuse.

“I need to do something.” Scanning his brain for options he decided to turn on a warm bath and soak. He put some herbal stuff Lori surely picked out for Christmas in the bathtub and as much as he didn’t want to admit it the powder was nice and he closed his eyes. Rick, Julie, his dad ran through his mind again and he slapped the water then ran a finger up a jagged scar on his knee. It was ugly and his busted knee bothered him in rainy weather just another reminder that his shit life of the past was still a shit life now. “Maybe Rick’s right. I need a therapist.” He had muttered that several times before but knew he still wouldn’t take the advice.

Drying off in the mirror he looked at his scarred up body, how he looked like a jig sawed man on just his chest, the reason he slept with women in the dark. One more stare and he turned off the lights and climbed into bed.

Shane: You up?

Rick: Why are you texting me at one in the morning?

Shane: Because I couldn't sleep duh!

Rick: So what if I was sleeping?

Shane: You would have your phone on silent like usual and wouldn’t get this until the morning.

Rick: True. Are you okay?

Shane: Why do you have to ask that just because I texted you?

Rick: Because you texted me at one am.

Ten minutes later

Rick: Shane?

Shane: I shouldn’t have texted you sorry.

Rick: Don’t do this.

Shane: Do what?

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at a sleeping Lori, they had barely talked all night and Shane had been awake all night just like him probably worrying too but over something much worse than a moody wife.

Rick: Lori wouldn’t talk to me hardly at all tonight.

Shane: Because she’s a bitch.

Rick: Respect Shane. You know women have their moods.

Shane: Blame it on the period, she must be permanently on her rag. She’s been like this a while Rick I think she’s cheating on you or at least over you. I don’t mean to be an asshole, I'm not trying to hurt you but come on man. I never liked her but you got to admit she’s different than when you married.

Rick: I know

Shane hated her but he wanted her to be faithful, be a good wife because he wanted Rick to be happy. It took everything in him not to investigate her himself or hire a private Investigator 

Shane: I’m thinking of getting a roommate.

Rick laughed quietly.

Rick: Sounds like a terrible idea. Having someone steal your food and have to push to pay half the bills.

Shane: I know

Rick: Why do it then?

Shane: I’m tired of being alone. It’s too quiet and I’m too bored. Maybe I can make friends with them and we can hit a bar or I don’t know find something in common.

Rick didn’t like that idea, he was too busy with Carl and Lori to go to bars and vacation with Shane anymore but they did get out some weekends and he could go to Shane's after a fight with Lori or just because and have a beer and hang at the dead of night if he had a roommate. Another in the mix would make it hard for him to visit when he pleased and the thought of Shane becoming closer to another and finding a new best friend made him frown.

Rick: It’s a bad idea on so many levels but if you need someone with you then you should do it.

Shane smiled nestling further into his bed. 

Shane: You hate the idea.

Rick pause before answering.

Rick: No.

Shane grinned madly. 

Shane: Bullshit you don’t want to be replaced.

Shane knew him too well and Rick debated his next text.

Rick: Yeah you're right. You have the bachelor thing going on and I can come whenever and I don't want you to find a new best friend.

Suddenly feeling drowsy Shane texted back before letting sleep claim him.

Shane: Never. You're always be my best friend but I’m not doing it.

Rick looked at his wife again and at the phone too relieved Shane wouldn’t get a roommate. All bad thoughts drifting away he fell asleep still holding his phone.

\--------------------------------

The humidity in the air made it feel way over one hundred degrees which it was. Shane debated stripping down to his white tee underneath but knew then they would then get a call, even Rick looked suffocated and pulled the collar of his shirt away from his sticky neck, the car’s AC had been dead for two months now and they had filled out multiple requests to have it repaired but this time of the year the funds were low.

“Their going to let us die in a car full of hot air.”

Shane grinned and looked at the mop of wet hair on his friend, it was rare he complained and rarer he was so dramatic.

“At least we die together huh?’

Rick pouted. “That’s dark and no thanks.”

Shane couldn’t think of a better death, when he was young and the beatings were bad he thought of it. Dying next to Rick, he didn’t want his best friend to die but it soothed the ache to think it could somehow happen and he would never be alone when he was beat tso bad he was sure he would die, sometimes he would only think of Rick, the best memory he could possibly have last.

“What you thinking about?”

“That time dad busted my knee and messed me up bad. How I was thinking of you before I passed out and God knows how much time passed but then someone was slapping me hard on the face and I came to and it was you.”

Looking ahead Rick couldn’t meet his eyes. “Why are you thinking of that?”

“I don’t know we were talking death and then I thought of that.”

It was dark. Rick had been joking and now it went to real life and he was angry that Shane went through that. “It was the worst day of my life.”

“You got shot and was in a coma for two weeks!”

“It was still the worst day.”

Shane relaxed in his seat. “Yeah it sucked but it’s over now. I made it thanks to you.”

Rick was a Boy Scout and knew first aid. Shane had been stabbed and he applied pressure and mended him as much as he could taking to him and slapping him when he tried to pass out again, in a way it was good it happened because Tony got locked up after that but when he got out he tried to terrorize Shane. By then they were both cops and it was too hard for him to keep it up with their coworkers support . Best day of his life was when Shane’s dad had a heart attack and died.

“You did good without him. Made everything for yourself.”

“I know. My bitch mom is hopefully whoring it up somewhere now.”

Rick didn’t like how bitter he was over his mother but she was a stripper who once Tony started beating her decided to flee without her son and she was rough looking and drunk always high from what he could remember as a kid so it was probably true.

“We could try to find her.” Rick had suggested it before.

Shane slapped his leg but not hard. “Why would I do that? She would probably want money. Nothing good can come of that.”

“Probably right.” Rick didn’t want it to be true but knew most likely she would try to drain Shane’s bank account dry.

“Most definitely right.” Shane barked out. “Besides I don’t need her. I got family and they treat me right.” He looked at Rick intently seeing him blush, it couldn’t be like that. Rick didn’t like him that way, didn’t know his secret. Still Shane looked at his lips and Rick smiled cranking up the car figuring they needed to get some actual work done.

Their next break came at the end of shift, Shane had got punched in the jaw when subduing an abusive husband. Whenever they were called on domestic disturbances Shane was already pumped full of anger but he was always in control even today, he didn’t throw one lick after being punched but Rick wasn’t that generous and made sure the man took a hard punch to the face. “You did good.” Shane smiled a bruise forming. “Let me see.” Tilting his head Shane hissed at Rick’s fingers digging into his cheek. “Sorry.”

“Please God let my perfect nose be fine.”

Rick laughed and held his face. “It’s intact, not large at all.”

“Stop!” Shane pulled away his face hurting too much to worry about how close his friend was. “We always get lucky. Otis took a call like this a few months back and he’s dead.”

“Yeah I know. You should eat dinner with us tonight.” Rick suggested.

“Maybe you can invite me when Lori’s at her parents house.”

Rick held his face again looking at the damage like it would have changed. “You never come over anymore.”

“With a stuck up face like hers why would I? She makes me think I have bad B.O.”

“Didn't’ stop you before. Carl misses you.”

“Will you drop it if I say yes?”

“Yeah.” Rick assured him sweat dripping down his brow in the stifling heat of the car. Shane looked at him still holding his face and that wasn’t normal.

It was too hot, Rick didn’t like seeing Shane being hit, it reminded him of the old days and he held him wishing he could change his past. A salty drip of sweat dropped down off his brow onto his shirt, it was disgusting and too much. Tomorrow he would make sure the patrol car was fixed and he would also make sure Ed got charged with assault of an officer. His opened window wasn’t enough to cool him down so he let go of Shane to lean over and roll his window down as well.

Wet lips met his Shane was kissing him and what the hell? Pulling back he wiped at his lips and looked at Shane. “What the fuck?”

Shit, shit Rick didn’t want that and he kissed him. He kissed his best friend and that wasn’t right. Rick would hate him, be disgusted and what was he doing leaning over if that wasn’t what he wanted. He couldn’t explain and Rick looked angry but not disgusted. What did he do? ‘Run.’ His mind screamed and scared more than anything he did just that.

Where they parked there was an open field and he ran across it.

“Shane! Shane hold up! Where are you going?”

Was Rick really going to run after him after what he did? What he did was basically assault. His friend didn’t want it and that was wrong. It wasn’t tiring running almost a mile but he was too far from home or the precinct and Rick would most likely follow him wherever he went, as much as Lori complained about his lack of emotions he always talked it out.

Too lost in thoughts he yelped when Rick bear hugged him from behind. “Stop!” 

Him screaming had Rick recoiling. “Sorry brother I didn’t mean to scare you.” Rick put his arms up in surrender. Shane scoffed not at the action or apology but him calling him brother, brothers definitely didn’t kiss. 

He couldn’t turn to face him. “I messed up.” Tears threatened to emerge at the stress.

“No. I don’t know what that was about but it’s okay. We’re okay.”

“I fucking kissed you and it’s okay?”

“Shane.” Rick touched his back. “I don’t know what’s up but yeah we’re fine.”

“You didn’t want that. I kissed you and it was wrong, I...I took advantage of you.”

“Come on Shane, you kissed me yes but saying you took advantage isn't right. You’re not some creep and maybe you read a signal wrong? I was trying to open your window.”

‘Of course you dumb fuck, he didn’t want you. You're so stupid.’ “I...” There was no explaining it and the tears welled up. Lori would laugh at this shit.

“Hey, hey.” Rick heard his voice hitch, his ragged breaths. Shane hadn’t had a panic attack in a long time.

“Shit!” Shane screamed out yanking on his hair.

“Hey hey no. Don’t do that.” Rick pulled his arms down. “Look at me.”

Shane stared at the dry grass and contemplated running again. “Look at me Shane!” With no way out he turned. Rick pet his hair that he tried to tug on and pulled him to him. Leaning into him heavily Shane cried but refused to make a sound. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Shh.” Rick stroked his back. 

Not sure how long had passed Rick stepped back but he grabbed his arm and they walked to the car. When they got in Rick put it in drive and traveled down the road. “I’m getting us some cigarettes.” They both went cold turkey together when Carl was born wanting to be healthy for his sake.

Both windows rolled down now Rick pulled his keys out. “Let's go in.”

Shane sulked settling back. “I’m not going to run. AGAIN.”

“Come on.” Rick pushed him out of the car.

A few more miles down the road and parked on the side once more Rick opened a pack of cigarettes and lit one before handing it to Shane and getting his own. Shane forgot his own fascinated by Rick exhaling smoke out and sighing in relief. He laughed like today wasn’t terrible and pushed Shane’s cigarette up to his lips. Inhaling a big drag he looked out in front of him wishing all these bad things would just go away.

“Is this what's been wrong with you?”

Huffing bitterly Shane rubbed the cigarette between his fingers. “A lots wrong with me.”

“Don't start this. Your self deprecating bullshit. You're always too hard on yourself.”

“Compared to what? Being happy that I tried to kiss you? Thinking it’s okay that I was a dumb shit! You know! You know what that means! I fucking kissed you like you weren’t married, like you weren't’ my friend!”

Looking up at the ceiling Rick saw how old the car really was as he tried to process it. “How long has it been? Is this why you've been down? All these months you've been wanting me?”

“What do you want to hear more? Hell no or I’m fucked up because those are your two options!”

Throwing the spent cigarette in a cup Rick lit another. “You've been through so much and I’ve always been there.”

“Dont. You can’t make this about my dad. Like I can’t cope and formed some unhealthy attachment to you. I was out there fucking way before you and I liked chicks. Nothing about you turned me on, you being there for me was just that. I don’t even want that to be the reason I did what I did.” Their friendship didn’t make him codependent. No those tight ass jeans did.

“Then tell me. Let me understand.”

“I don't’ understand it myself. It was that party where Chief got us all together to let loose after Chase got shot. You were wearing these tight black jeans and you were smashed and I don't know you leaned into me and whispered in my ear and I got whacked after that.”

“Me being drunk and wearing tight jeans didn’t make you magically want me.”

“Fine.” Shane hated talking, he never had to growing up because no one cared to listen except Rick and took him years to open up to him. Rubbing his shoulder he closed his eyes. “I’m just that screwed up.”

He didn’t expect his hand to be gripped. “You're not. If you could see what I did, how much you've accomplished.”

All Shane did was be a cop. Never married or been in a successful relationship. He didn't have lots of friends or anything worth mentioning in depth. A ordinary dude who loved beer and football and had a big truck, that’s all he was.

“Can we just forget about this?”

“No Shane.” His hand was pulled to Rick’s lap. “You're my best friend and if I say forget this you're not and I’m going to lose you. Whenever you feel like this you shut down, avoid me and drink too much and I can’t. I’m not angry or weirded out. I just want you to be okay.”

That would never happen but he knew how he felt right now, the urge to crawl in bed and forget Rick existed, that he could be so dumb. “So what do we do?”

“You come home and eat dinner with me and then we keep talking, being friends.”

Talking wasn’t something Shane liked to do but with Rick by his side he could do anything, even the hardest things that he wanted to run from. He knew then that he would be okay because Rick Grimes was still his best friend even after a failed kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like no one’s reading this, if you are please drop a comment, it only takes a minute and fuels my drive.
> 
> ***Happy Mother’s Day to all the women out there because we are all a mother figure to someone out there!!!

Shane saw Lori roll her eyes when he entered the kitchen, Rick had already texted her about his arrival but still she couldn’t be civil. “Hey Shane.” She spoke sharply.

“Hey.” He kept it brief and decided to go upstairs to visit Carl while dinner was being finished.

“Uncle Shane!” The boy ran into his arms and all the stress and anxiety flaked away as he held on

“He kiddo!” The boy wouldn’t let go. “My dad said you have been too busy to see me.”

“Yeah I’m sorry.”

“Don't be. Let's go play catch!” Carl grabbed two gloves and a baseball and ran down the stairs with Shane following quickly behind. Rick joined the offering his friend a beer only a little puzzled when he turned it down. The three of them threw the ball back and forth and he wished it could be the three of them together all the time, sure he wanted something romantic with Rick but even a friendship, the three of them living together and playing catch each night and tucking Carl in before he went to his own bed alone would make him feel fulfilled. He never had a family and wished for an average boring life with one.

The ball hit his arm and Rick ran up soothing it. “You're going to have a big knot. Watch what you’re doing.”

“Got distracted.” At Ricks concerned eyes he huffed out. “Just daydreaming man nothing serious.”

Lori snapped at Rick and Carl during dinner and Shane had to bite his tongue to keep the urge to snap back at bay. It was still nice eating thigh to thigh with Rick and hearing Carl talk about school. Lori was too withdrawn to listen, playing on her phone obviously texting and only looking up to scold Carl or eat another forkful. 

“I should get going.” Shane started only halfway through his meal. Rick shook his head and patted his thigh. “Finish your plate.” 

Carl looked over and whined. “Uncle Shane stay and then we can play one round of Mario Kart before you go.”

Lori dropped her fork to cut her eyes at her son. “Homework is all you will do tonight. No games.”

Carl fussed sad that after so long not seeing Shane he couldn't play one game and Shane felt anger coil up. “Rick thanks for dinner and Carl I’ll make sure to come back by soon to play that game.” There was no way he could acknowledge Lori and he dragged his chair purposely across the floor as he stood and darted out the house with Rick right behind.

“Why are you rushing off?”

“Because I can’t stand being around her. She’s rude to you and Carl and does she even do for him anymore because all I see is immature eyerolls and scowls along with fussing.”

“She’s been stressed lately.”

“Staying home with Carl at school and spending your money on hair trims and fake nails and slutty clothes? She never worse that shit before, his titties were almost popping out her shirt.”

“Shane she’s still my wife, you can’t talk about her that way.”

“Fine. I’m sorry but I got to go man I can’t be here with here. Tell Carl I love him and let me know when she’s out the house and I’ll come play that game but it ain’t right how she’s tretaing you.”

Rick knew it was true, things were bubbling slowly over the edge but it still wasn’t Shanes business best friend or not. There was no anger at what he said but it was inappropriate and he patted Shane's shoulder. “I mean this with respect but you need to know I can’t let you keep talking about her this way, she's still my wife.”

Shane didn't feel bad about what he said but Rick didn’t hold that kiss against him, didn’t lash out or dump his sorry ass. “I’m sorry brother.” That sounded wrong upon his lips but he swallowed the lump down. “I need to get going.”

RIck hugged him hard holding on for way too long. “I’m not mad about earlier, nothing’s changed between us. I love you.”

His heart sunk a bit knowing he meant in in only one way. “Yeah I know, I love you too and I’m glad you shared your juice box with me in kindergarten.” Sensing Rick’s eyes burn his back as he walked away he got in his truck. The man staring back at him in the visor was the one he always seen, worthless and ugly so he pushed the visor up angrily and sped off.

The fridge at home was empty of beer, he paced back and forth rubbing his head and too large nose. Rick probably was laughing at him right now or disgusted. “That’s not right, he’s not like that.” Shane murmored pacing the worn carpet. 

Shane didn’t sleep that night.

“You should have gave me more warning he was coming over.”

“What do you want Lori? An hour and a half wasn't’ enough?”

“The house was a mess and he kept sneering at me.”

“How did you realize that behind your phone and you were brash with Carl over nothing. Your temper is getting out of control.”

“At least I feel emotions.” It was Lori’s punching spot. He had enough emotions she just didn’t care to listen. A headache came on as she huffed in anger and turned her back to him in the suddenly cold bed. Rick looked at his phone, warmth spreading at the thought of texting Shane but he didn’t, not because of the kiss but because Shane needed space to sort out his own feelings. Feelings Rick knew weren't going to change, he had an suspicion Shane liked him for awhile now that he kept in denial but now it was exposed like a gaping wound. Thing was Rick liked being wanted even if he wasn't gay and didn’t want Shane like that because Lori and him hadn’t had sex in months.

\-----------------------------------

Rick laughed at Shane’s commentary on the newbie, he was in a good mood. It had been a slow day not many speeders or disturbances. The elephant in the room wasn’t too huge, Rick sucked on his slush and thought of Shan's suggestion days ago. Somehow the image changed to Shane bathing in a tub full of the green drink and Rick shook his head. ‘Why did I think of that?’ Shane kept chatting away l not knowing of the images playing in his mind.

“We should plan a fishing trip.” Shane had been thinking it a while and it was a perfect way to get away from Lori and hang with the two most important guys in his life.

“Deep sea fishing,” Rick added, it had been too long since they had a trip. After a few suggested weekends over the next two months Shane went inside the precinct to shower while Rick decided to go home dreading seeing Lori after a good day at work.

He was lucky or rather unlucky getting off two hours early because parking at home he saw Lori’s car the she insisted on having, it took up much of his paycheck and he scraped some dirt away  
frustrated that she hadn’t gotten it washed after he told her to nearly a month ago.

Pushing Carl's door open he saw he wasn’t home and that was unusual because Lori was a stickler about him reading for an hour after school that’s when he heard it, loud moans and it didn’t’ make any sense because Lori hated porn especially the high pitched overacted ones usually opting for the mute button when she let it be watched.

When he opened the door he froze. Phillip Blake, the crazy man who ranted months ago that he was “The Governor” ass’ was fully on display thrusting wildly into his wife who was scratching his back and moaning like an overused whore.

“Lori!” 

Phillip thrusted twice more before stopping, Lori wrapped a bed sheet around her body while his neighbor slowly covered up smirking in satisfaction.

“Rick I can explain.” 

Scoffing Rick looked at her pale skin matching the white sheet covering her up. “Oh Lori why be modest when we’ve both seen it all?” He seethed while Phillip laughed, pulling a duffel bag out he shoved clothes in as fast as he could. 

“Rick.” 

“I don’t want to hear it. Shane’s was right! How long have you been doing this behind my back? Seven months? All the time you’ve denied me?’ He wasn’t hurt more relieved that the shame of their marriage finally had a reason for it to end. Lori pulled on his arm and he stepped back.

“Thank you.” He said calmly as he got his deodorant and decided screw the rest of his stuff.

“For what?”

“Showing me that what I thought was’ wrong. That all the doubt and guilt I felt about you was verified. “Where’s Carl?”

“At the neighbors, with Ron.”

“Be a mother, call him home and make sure he’s gone when you do.” Rick pointed to the vile disturbed neighbor he never trusted.

With that Rick slammed the door and took two steps at a time running away from his home that hadn’t felt like that in a very long time. In his pocket he grabbed his phone, his lifeline and pressed dial.’

“Hey. What's up?”

“Shane I need a place to stay.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My vacay is over so back to writing!

Shane slipped on a shirt waiting for Rick, all he said was he needed a place to stay then hung up. A big pang filled him fearing it was over, he hated Lori but Rick would be miserable. The woman was a bitch and may try to take Carl and that would kill his best friend. Pacing he made Rick's favorite drink peach tea, the beverage was too sweet and he hated it but always had a supply for his friend who rarely came over anymore.

At the doorbell ringing he opened it. Rick’s eyes were already red and puffy and he crashed into Shane forcing him to take their weight. Tears stained his shirt as Rick clinged to him crying into his neck. “Hey man I’m here.” The sobbing didn’t stop and Shane started to rock them side to side running his hands through curls not having time to think how it usually would be a treat for him.

Rick didn’t let up so he held his hand which was grasped and led them to the couch to sit, his friend laid down and that was a bad sign because he never laid around unless it was bedtime. “You were right Shane.”

Shane brushed his curls letting Rick lay on his lap and look at the turned off tv. “Right about what?” He already knew but wanted to allow him time to say and process it.

“Lori. She cheated on me like it was nothing.” 

Rubbing his back Shane stayed silent not sure what to say because nothing could help the situation.

“She. She cheated with me with our neighbor.”

“Ralph?” The man was old and could hardly get around.

“No.” Rick let out a hysterical laugh. “Phillip.”

“The Governor?” Shane felt angry, he wanted to kill the man and cuss out Lori, not only was Phillip crazy and selfish but not half as attractive as Rick and definitely not as kind.

“Yeah. She was moaning like a cat in heat. I haven’t heard her sound like that since Carl was born.” 

Petting Rick’s hair Shane let his anger stew. “I’m sorry Rick. I don’t know what to say, I didn't want to actually be right.”

“I know you didn't.” Rick turned to him, his face falling into his stomach. Shane held his breath not wanting the contact to make something else in him stir or a part of him.

“Are you happy?” Rick asked looking up with red irritated eyes, even broken he was beautiful.

“No.” There was no way Shane could be. “I was going to deal with my feelings but Rick I would never want this, you being happy is all that matters.”

Rick looked back down at Shane's covered stomach and sighed. “I might get that now, things have been going South awhile now.”

“Want some hot peach tea?” Shane didn’t know how to comfort him, he only had one serious relationship and Rick more pulled him out of the house to bars and dinner at his home than sat and comforted him.

“No, I just need a place to stay.”

“The rooms yours as long as you need it.”

Rick cried some more then took a short nap waking up to watch the late night show with Shane and they didn’t have to work tomorrow but it was getting late. “The sheets are fresh, you can sleep in tomorrow then we can do whatever. Fish or go out. look for a divorce lawyer tomorrow, that is if that’s what you want.”

“My marriage is over so that’s the next step but I got time.”

Shane moved to get up and Rick moved off him then followed behind. “There's new toothbrushes under the sink and you know where the wash rags and towels are. I know you're tired…”

“I don’t want to sleep alone.” Rick cut in.

Shane swallowed not sure if it was a good idea. His friend should be sick and disgusted by him and he knew he wasn’t gay but still it was probably not a good idea.

“Please, you're still my best friend.”

Shane nodded and led him to his bed pulling back the covers, Rick crawled in giving him space and they stayed silent, it was awkward but Rick started to cry again, Shane pulled him to him allowing his shirt to stain with more tears. The crying became loud and wheezing filled with too much snot and anguish, Shane’s own tears small and not falling collected at his eyes. He hated Lori, that much he knew. 

Between the crying Rick noticed Shane who was hot natured wore a shirt, the last time he saw his scars was in High School when he ran to his house with a torn shirt and bleeding welts. They were probably worse and despite his friend getting over it he felt stupid crying over his wife who was still healthy and whole along with Car. But it was a marriage he worked hard at and now was worth nothing but a piece of paper, his ring shined brightly in the dark room, he stared at it clinging to Shane who held him tighter.

A stupid crow woke Rick up, he was alone in the warm bed and looked at the clock displaying eleven am. Grunting he turned amd tucked Shane’s pillow under him unaware he inhaled his scent deeply and rubbed his face into it and felt better. His eyes cracked shut to sleep more when he saw Shane out the corner of his eye carrying a plate and a cup. Coffee filled the air and he sat up grinning when he saw a large slice of his favorite on the plate. “Quiche?”

“It’s your favorite.” It was and Shane hated making it never much of an egg lover but he made it using Rick’s mother’s recipe. Rick was a terrible cook and so was his wife and he told Shane once he wanted some when he was missing his parents so he got the recipe from Lori and made it. Three attempts later it was perfected, tasting just like special mornings at the Grimes’ house.

“Thank you.” 

Shane just put the plate down along worn the coffee with too much sugar and a little cream just like Rick liked it and opened the window letting the sun in. “I’m not letting you mope around. What are we going to do?”

At least Rick’s appetite wasn’t lacking, he bit into the quiche and took a big sip of coffee. “We could go to the hardware store, start working on that shed you want.”

It had almost been forgotten, more of a two man job that one. “We could.” Shane figured it would be a good distraction.

Later a truck full of wood and bags of concrete were unloaded, the day was cooler than most a breeze waving through constantly to help with the heat. 

It was just like old times the silence comfortable and long bursts of conversations and joking. It was still hot so they did take breaks to cool off inside and Shane’s white tee was dripping with sweat. Rick started a little too long and went in to use the bathroom. Coming back to the living room he halted seeing a new framed photo of Carl's’ last birthday. Shane had his hand around him and they looked related, there was also a photo next to it of Rick’s family with Shane next to him and he smiled, even Lori when loathed had place on his wall. There was a A frame full of knick knacks, a few trinkets among small glass figurines that were collected over the years, there was one photo turned over and curiosity winning out he turned it. 

Rick was shocked at the revelation, the world didn't’ revolve around him but he was half expecting a photo of himself that was somehow too much for his friend but instead if was Shane probably around three years old smiling in front of his parents, his mother's arm protectively holding his chest, they almost looked like a happy family if only Rick didn’t know the not so secretive secrets.

“I’ve tried to throw it away but I can’t.” 

Rick slammed the frame down stepping away like he could hide his guilt but Shane laughed and picked it up neutral in his gaze at it. “Relax Rick it's just a photo, not my favorite or one I can see everyday but you're free to snoop.”

“I wasn’t snooping.” But suddenly Rick felt like he was.

Shane laughed clapping down on his shoulder. “It’s fine. Just don’t look under the bed.” Shane whispered and Rick quirked an eyebrow feeling it wasn’t really a joke though it wasn't really a serious reply.

“What’s under it? Handcuffs? A leather suit?”

Shane flushed not really thinking Rick would be bold enough to ask and it was only a joke anyway but the reality of what he really had, what he started trying after Rick had him turning beet red.

Rick flustered in understanding but it was his friend, who cared if what he had was a little more than imagined. “Yeah it’s probably a lot of handcuffs and maybe a leather skirt.” He smirked lightening the mood.

“Shut up!” Shane hit him lightly on the back of the head and retreated out the door oddly placing the photo frame  
up and proud in the center, Rick looked at it figuring it was a mistake and walked out.

Shane grilled hamburgers for lunch and they had much of the wood cut and the cement was laid out well before night time, the two sat side by side too close flipping through random channels and eating popcorn. Rick went to put a dvd on and felt something fall to the floor and turned to see Shane throwing popcorn at him, laughing he took his own handful and threw it at Shane’s mouth missing the target mostly, he then sat down and slumped onto Shane. “I don’t know if it’s better it worse she’s giving me space and hasn’t called.”

“Neither matters.” Shane signed out relaxing more and pulling Rick to him.

Rick had already had a shower when they came in but took another, he figured they would watch more movies but Shane wasn’t on the sofa so he knocked on his door. When it opened he frowned when Shane moved to put on a shirt too quick and rubbed the back of his neck oddly. “You're already turning in?”

“It’s been a long day, I’m sore.”

It was a lie, Shane went to the gym daily and was buffer than Rick. A hard days work outside wouldn’t get him down. “Sorry, I didn’t know you wanted to be alone. I can take a hint.” He went to the door but was grabbed from behind.

“I really am tired but if you want to stay up we can.”

Rick looked at the bed, it was dangerous territory. “We can sleep.”

Shane laughed and flopped on the bed heavily. “Being married has made you a wimp, you can't sleep alone now?Welcome to bachelor life!” 

Sitting on the bed like it was an invitation he settled down. Shane sighed dramatically turning off the lamp and laid down. 

“Remember when we were young and you would sleep over?”

“All the time. I’d have to have amnesia not too.”

Rick slapped his chest. “I wasn’t done. I mean when we would put that red sheet over the bed and read comics with a flashlight.”

“Yeah, you always told me half your stash was mine but I couldn’t take it home because dad would burn it or something.”

“We could have a conversation about tne past without it being about your dad.”

“Excuse me for a having the fucked up childhood. I’ll leave the commentary out.” Shane turned around showing his clothed back to Rick and it irked him seeing him in a shirt a night.

“I didn't’ mean it like that.”

“Yeah, I’m just having a simple conversation and you have to make it negative, I didn’t even mean it in a bad way.” He was sick of the fragile glass of his past, he could speak of it without sadness.

“I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

Shane didn’t answer. Closing his eyes he planned to sleep not mad at Rick but not intending to talk it out. 

“Shane.” Rick rubbed his back pleading for a response. 

“I’m not mad.”

Rick hugged his stiff body. “I know.” Fingers swirled at his back and rubbed up and down it before Rick practically laid on top of him. “I hate him, that he makes it where we bicker like married couple, we shouldn’t give him any thought because he doesn’t matter.”

“But he’s my past. He shouldn't matter but he was there. I can talk about him and you shouldn't be so sensitive. You always make it about him. Like if I snapped and killed someone would you say it’s okay because I had a shitty childhood?” 

The heavy body leaned on him more. “Of course not. I would want to kill you if you did that but I still wouldn’t let you go because your my best friend.”

The admission wasn’t something Shane didn't’ already know and he stayed silent almost thinking Rick was asleep but knowing him too well for it to be known as true.

“You get so hot. Why are you wearing the shirt?”

 

Shane wanted to scream and say because he looked hideous, that his scars looked worse now with age and being tanner, that his dad did mess him up inside and out but he stayed quiet hoping Rick would drop it but aware he wouldn't.

“It’s the scars isn’t it?” Wishing he could snap or cry or curse his friend out he stayed still, Ricks fingertips brushed the scars underneath revealing their existence despite his shirt still protecting them. “ You shouldn’t hide them from me.”

“It’s been too long, nobody’s seem them in forever, not since Julie. Rick just let it go. Please.”

For once Rick listened and his breathing did even out but he didn’t pull away and Shane who always slept on his back felt content and warm on his stomach, a heavy body pushing into him as a deep slumber came.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of self harm, not acted on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this please leave a comment, it only takes a minute and makes my day and keeps me motivated.

Two nights became three then four, a ritual started where Rick seeked Shane out at bedtime and slipped into his bed. Last night Shane didn't even run to his room trying to guess if his friend would find him, he knew he would come. The only thing that varied was the distance, sometimes Rick clung to him and other nights slept far away on the other side of the bed, nights were spent talking till they fell asleep and some nights nothing was muttered at all.

Rick noticed the small changes that took place when he neglected his friend before. The absence of beer in the fridge that told him not to buy any, a few dents in the wall like they had been punched, the t shirts that Shane wore at night, one was a black cotton academy shirt that Rick had been missing for nearly a year now and Shane put it on like he owned it, like it wasn’t stolen from Rick’s home.

Some nights Shane would close the bathroom door gently and Rick pretended not to hear the shower turn on, how long it took Shane to return to bed. Small cries and angry curses escaping tired lips. He knew that you couldn’t heal completely from a past like that but he thought it was better, now he felt like a bad friend, he should have seen the signs but was Shane really better long ago or was that a facade in itself?

Tonight was one of the nights, Shane was quiet in the bathroom, the lengthy shower turned off long ago but he didn’t come out. Rick thought back on his training, was Shane just sitting in that bathroom or was he doing worse? Maybe the shirt wasn’t hiding his past but the present. The door opened, a flash of light filling the room briefly before being turned off. Shane padded to his side of the bed and crawled in trying to not make a sound. Two options ran through his mind but his body already made up Rick turned to him in the darkness.

He was staring blindly in his friends face, knew the other had to feel his movement but nothing was said. Rick stretched out his hand feeling Shane's toned stomach and a sigh escaped the other who froze. “You okay?”

Shane didn’t say a word, recoiled a bit but Rick’s hand still found his body. “Yeah.”

“You were in there awhile.”

“Yeah.”

Rick had two options once again but decided to push. “That’s not the first night you’ve done that.”

“Why do you do this?” Shane turned on his back pushing Rick’s hand off him.

“Do what?”

 

“If you know I’ve been doing that then why are you making a big deal about it tonigh?.”

“Because we should talk about it.”

“Nothings wrong, I just don’t sleep well at night and I don’t want to wake you. That’s all.”

“I’m supposed to believe that?” Rick came closer to him.

“What do you want to hear? That I’m crying? Messed up? I’ve done admitted that.” Shane's voice was raising getting more agitated.

“What do you do in there?”

Shane would cry or stare at the tub for hours, try to count sheeps and fall back asleep. He did a lot of nothing trying to relax when he couldn’t. He did it before Rick stayed over but more often before and having him in bed helped, it didn't help his confusion though and that was something else he did in the bathroom. Think of Rick, what he was doing to him before he found another girl and ran off and left him alone.

“Just what I said. I just sit and try not to wake you up because I just think too much.”

“You could talk it out with me.”

Shane didn’t think it would help, nobody could help him with his continuous thoughts. “You can’t, it’s my head man. Running, just always running.”

Rick touched him again. “They make medication for that, it’s probably just you and it can help.”

“Yeah?” Shane rubbed at his hair yanking it slightly in the dark. Silence inside would be a good thing. 

“They do. Just tell me that’s all you're doing in there.”

Shane breathed out. “What else would I be doing?”

It was a ugly truth, one Shane wouldn’t like to hear where he was doing it or not but so much had changed in his life and he wanted Shane to be there always. “Hurting yourself.”

“You mean like cutting ?”

It sounded ugly and wrong spoken out between them, the concern a scenario that Shane could be living and Rick flinched when the light turned on. Rick watched on as Shane paced back and forth grunting and then slapped the bed looking Rick dead on with anger. He looked at Rick then himself and went for the bedroom door, Rick waited for it to open and Shane to run away like he did when they were teens when he was pushed too far. Instead Shane closed his eyes, they opened back up showing more wounded hurt than anger as he pulled off his shirt. Scars littered his stomach and sides, white ugly raised welts and burns now healed but maring his skin. They were thin and thick, crisscrossed and standing by themselves on his tanned skin. 

If it wasn’t enough Shane turned exposing his back which was uglier if possible, his palms sliding down he pulled up his boxers showing more scars and turned around again to show the front. “See anything huh? You think I would cut myself more? Mess this up? Maybe I should because it can’t look worse! I’m a freak!” Shane yelled in his face, his breath hot and sprays of moisture hitting Rick but he didn't move. “You think I’m weak, after everything you still think I’m the sad little boy who has to run to you and cry. Well now I guess you think I cry by myself.”

“No.” Rick shook his head trembling. “No. I would never think that.”

“You want me to be that. Something that’s not you, with the perfect wife and kid. White picket fence and up for promotions. You want me beneath you, to hurt.”

Rick grabbed Shane's balled up fists and shook his head until it looked like it hurt. “No.”

Shane pulled away. “Yes. I'm never going to be anything but broken to you.” Shane was screaming but he didn’t really see Rick. He saw his dad and what he saw in him, a weak son. Rick was taunting at his mind, the idea that he saw him that way too but it wasn’t what it really was. Going to the door he opened it to run like he should have before he showed too much of his ugliness inside and out.

He could hear the snot leaving Rick’s nose, the wails that wouldn’t subside. They were burdened and sad and it was feeble but he heard it as he went to run away. “Thank you.”

Shane turned away seeing more of Rick than his dad. “What? What are you saying?”

“You can think whatever you want about me but I’ve always been your friend because you're always you but I had to know.”

“Know what?” Shane felt hazy and confused as he looked at Rick still trembling.

“I had to know you were somewhat okay, that you weren’t doing that because you’ve been so strong over the years and I wanted to know it was true, that you weren’t hiding that you did that. You keep things to yourself until I can hardly help you and if you were doing that I couldn’t help you. I knew I couldn’t so I'm okay, even if you leave tonight and don't come back I’m okay because I know you are.”

Shane saw his best friend there, the only family he had and he closed the door and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you're pent up, have been.”

“It’s no excuse.”

Rick smiled calming down at the realization that Shane wasn’t leaving. “My life’s not perfect you know. Lori’s been cheating on me for God knows how long, Carl’s getting rebellious and talking back. That promotion is not much more money and a lot more hours, it’s just a title. My best friend's not doing too good.” He laughed.

“I keep going back and forth with you man. I’m fine and then I’m not fine. I tried to kiss you and now we’re bed sharing.”

Rick winced. “I can leave.”

“I Don't want you to, calms me. You think me gong in the bathroom has been excessive? Before you moved in it was worse.”

“That’s not good Shane.” 

Shane leaned against him. “I know but Julie left me and you’re all I have keeping me sane and you’re going to move on and I’m going to be alone again.”

“You were never alone, you ran from me because you liked me.”

“And you really think I don’t now?” He looked up incredulously. 

“I don’t know man, I just want you to stay here with me. I want you to be happy and I can’t be with you like that but what can I do other than go across the hall and stay in my room?” Rick asked.

“I don’t know.”

Shane almost fell over when Rick stood sharply and pulled him up hugging him hard. “I’m sorry I doubted you and I’m sorry you feel your scars are ugly but their there to stay like I am.” Rick took his pillow that had migrated into the bedroom and stared at it. “I’m right across the hall if you need me but it’s best we don’t make the water murkier.”

Rick hugged him but it was too brief leaving behind an ugly chill. Shane watched as Rick went to the door and smiled back, it was just as fake as his own. The door closing sounded like finality on his untainted sanity and he pulled on his hair harder feeling the burn to his scalp. He was messed up and Rick “clearing the air” by leaving wasn’t making anything easier.

Both laid in their bed that night thinking of the other. Shane felt foolish for missing the warm spot next to him wishing Rick could be gay because everything would be alright if he was but he had to accept the truth. Rick glared at the door thinking of Shane and how it felt when he touched him, the despair in his eyes when he thought Rick felt he was weak. It didn’t dawn on him that his failed marriage hadn’t been an issue for him the entire week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. 2 steps forward, 5 back. I love man pain.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So short but it feels like no one is reading this anyway.

Three days later and Shane felt crazier, his thoughts shifting to Rick and Julie and how messed up he was. Those thoughts started back, his mind screaming that his mom knew he was messed up and that’s why she left and that Rick would soon enough, that his dad beat him because he deserved it. The alarm went off and he turned it off after not sleeping a wink, the image in the mirror looked gaunt, gray bags under his eyes and he felt like shit.

Rick had been talking to him trying to make it seem okay, they worked a little on the shelter yesterday after work and he smiled, tried to keep up with the casual conversation Rick was sprouting but it was hard.

In the kitchen he tried to decide between eggs or cereal and even making a bowl of cold Cheerios eemed too hard but he poured out a bowl and made himself eat. The door slammed and Rick walked in chugging a bottle of water from the fridge, his lean legs seemed bright contrasting off dark blue shorts and he turned, he sweaty shirt clinging to his body.

“You okay?” Rick asked staring at him.

“Yeah.” 

Rick sat down sighing, his finger tapping on the open box of cereal. “Don't’ take this the wrong way but you look rough.”

“I know.” Shane didn’t look up skimming his spoon through milk.

“Is it me being here?”

Shane nodded his head no. “I just can’t sleep, think I need to see about getting some medicine like you said. Turn my mind off.”

Rick scooted his chair up and tapped on Shane's bowl making him look him in the eyes. “Things got tense the other day.”

“It’s not you.” It was only a partial lie, Rick accusing him of cutting wasn’t the issue, him leaving his bed empty again was.

Rick got that serious look and cocked his head which meant he was serious. “We can have bad days but if you look like this next week we’re going to have to talk again.” 

Shane made himself eat a bowl of cereal and nodded. Things wouldn’t get better by himself.

\----------------------------------

The next morning Shane paced in a lobby looking at a colorful but very ugly portrait that didn’t look like a real image. He didn’t want to go in and talk to a psychiatrist but things had been building and a Medical Doctor could only help him so far. 

“Walsh?”

Gritting his teeth he kept himself from rubbing at his hair and stepped into a large office that seemed more suffocating than spacious.

“I’m Doctor Lee and of at any time this gets overwhelming all you have to do is tell me and we can take a break. Tell me why you are here.”

He don't’ want to be here, didn’t know where to start. His past, how he tried to kiss his best friend, his nagging mind, feeling like he was only gay for one person. So he laughed, it was tired and too loud almost manic and the Doctor didn’t look impressed.

\----------------------------------

When Shane left the office he felt exposed, he just told a stranger too much in an hours time. Felt like he was rushing to explain A through Z all his failures and he also felt tired. He didn’t know if it helped but she gave him a pamphlet, made an appointment for in two days and told him it as good he opened up and things weren’t as bad as he imagined them to be. He was fixable was what he heard though it didn't’ feel that way. She also wanted to get a better feel for how deep he was messed up, also how he interpreted what she said so she gave him a mild antidepressant and something to help with his raging thoughts.

Shane stared hard at the medication when he got home thinking whether he really wanted to be medicated but the hollowness in his eyes told him he was stupid to not take them so he gulped them down and sat on his bed falling back to look up. The medicine wouldn’t even help for another one to two weeks and another night of ranting thoughts and a cold bed sounded terrible. Going out to bang some chick also didn’t sound appealing so he just stared up.

At a knock on his door he didn’t want to answer but knew it was Rick wanting to know how his first session went. “Come in.”

He didn’t look at Rick as his friend sat down and laid on his back as well. “How did it go?”

“Okay I guess.” He couldn't’ stop the slow tears from falling.

“Shane.” 

Shaking his head he wiped them and continued to look up. “It’s so much shit man, I know I will get through it all but today alone was exhausting.”

Rick brushed fingers through his hair and he turned to look at him with new tears still falling down “I didn’t do right by you.”

“What?” Shane didn’t understand.

“I couldn’t save you then and I’ve done got married and had a kid and you were still trying to live, fighting for it and I didn’t know.”

“It’s not on you man.”

Rick slid from the bed and untied his shoes before taking his own off. Shane waited for the door to close, for Rick to leave him again but Rick turned off the lights and pushed Shane on the bed more. He couldn’t see his friends face in the dark but he kept touching his hair, the strands he yanked so much wishing for a relief.

“This has nothing to do with me but I feel like I messed up and I don’t know what to do right now, there’s nothing I can say to take anything you went through away.”

Shane grabbed the hand from his hair and held onto it. “Just wishing you could make it better, take it away is enough.” 

Rick slept in Shane’s bed again and he too slept better than the past nights alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could have wrote that whole psychiatrist appointment but I don’t know much on mental health and would want to portray the Doctor accurately.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less turmoil yay! And my favorite: jealousy.

After two weeks Shane was much better laughing and cutting up with Rick, the shelter was done and they were passing time watching movies or just talking. Rick was back in the guest bedroom and being naive didn’t know why he didn’t sleep that well.

“Is it okay if Carl comes over tomorrow?

 

Shane chopped up some vegetables for their salad. “You know it it, I can’t wait to see him.”

Rick texted his son looking forward to tomorrow.  
\------------------------------------

“Uncle Shane!” Carl crashed into his arms.

Lori had been hard to get ahold of after the Philip situation and no one could see her eyes behind big shades, she shoved a box, Carl’s game system into Rick’s hand and waved. “I’ll pick him up at seven tomorrow.”

Shane grit his teeth, she was a bitch as much as ever.

“Come on Carl!” Rick ran to the house not worried about his wife’s demeanor.

“Let me show your my new game Uncle Shane.”

A few hours later Shane shook his hand, his wrist tired from the gaming controller and accepted the soda Rick opened for him.

“Thought we could all camp out in the living room, make a forte like old times.” Rick suggested.

It brought back all the good memories he had with Rick growing up and he started to push back the couch to get things in order.

No one said a word when Carl took the right side area of a sleeping bag and Shane and Rick ended up squeezed together, their limbs wrapping around each other in the night.

Rick grumbled awake and pulled his arm back from Shane glad his friend was asleep and couldn't get confused by their closeness. Knocking on the door reminded him that’s why he woke up to begin with and he slithered past his sleeping buddies to answer the door. 

“Julie?”

“Hey Rick.” Shane's ex smiled holding a basket. “Is Shane here?”

About that time Shane came up behind him. “Julie?”

“Hey Shane.” She glowed. “May I come in?”

Rick wanted to hear him say “no” not “sure” as Shane opened the door wider. He went upstairs not wanting to hear what she possibly had to say. 

In the shower he aggressively pumped the body wash and poured out shampoo. There couldn’t be anything good coming with Julie downstairs, Shane would be a mess when he came back down. She didn’t need to be here, she had moved away after she hurt his buddy and that was for the best. The shower water turned cold as his anger rose, he wasn't even washing off at this point but just stewing.

“Do you want something to drink?” Shane offered.

“No thanks but I did bring these.” Julie pulled the towel back exposing homemade muffins. “You know this is my speciality.”

Shane smiled trying to figure out why she was here but poured himself a glass of milk. “Sure you don’t want to join me?”

Julie took a seat. “I had two before I got here.” She admitted.

The muffins were fluffy with big chunks of fruit just like he remembered; “I would never turn down your baking Julie but why are you here?”

Tapping her long red manicured nails against the counter she sighed. “To apologize. I didn’t treat you right when I broke up. I found someone but instead of being honest I snuck around your back then when you found out I blamed you and what your dad did to you for my actions.”

Shane didn't’ feel hungry all of the sudden and put the muffin down. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s really not. Morales beat me, it started out good but soon enough I saw my mistake. My hair was falling out, I was covering up bruises with makeup. He even broke my nose and my arm but I stayed because I realized that I was wrong to you. You went through all that when just a child and here I was bearing it as an adult. Also I felt stupid because you never laid an hand on me and I was stuck with that. After awhile I had enough, too many ER visits and I left him. I had to move in with my mom, get myself together and realize that the old me wasn’t a very good person but the new me could be.”

Shane didn’t want her to suffer, the whole time she dumped him he imagined her happy in a big house with Morales, maybe even engaged now. “I don’t take pleasure in hearing that Julie.”

Julie grasped his arm. “I know because that’s not the type of man you are. I’ve moved back to town, been single since him and I’m going to concentrate on me. I need to find myself a little more, know I don’t need a man attached to me to make me worthy.”

“That's a good plan, I want you to see that you are a good woman.”

Shane stood then and Julie crashed into him, he felt his heart warm up at her grip. Her hugs always calmed him down before. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through Shane.”

“It’s the past.”

Rick stumbled downstairs to see them embracing and he crossed his arms, he didn’t like her suddenly. He grimaced when she kissed Shane's cheek and fakely waved her bye at the door grumpy when Shane walked her to her car.

Going to the kitchen he rolled his eyes at her muffins, they tasted store brought with extra fruit added and he pulled out a pan to fry eggs for breakfast.

“Hey man, we got muffins.” Shane grinned ear to ear when we got back.

“I don’t want anything sweet for breakfast.” he grumbled.

Shane hit his shoulder. “Since when sweet tooth?” 

Rick didn’t say a thing as he heated butter in the pan figuring Carl would want eggs as well.

“Hey dad.” Carl said a few minutes later and climbed on a stool helping himself to a muffin.

“Don’t you want eggs?”

Carl munched on the sweet loudly. “No these are great!”

He didn’t like that reply and flipped his egg over.

“What did she want?” Rick asked hours later trying not to pry the moment Julie left

“Apologized for dumping me the way she did. Morales wasn’t good to her and she’s trying to clean her slate.”

“You don’t believe her do you?”

Shane put down the gaming controller, he was brushing up on his game skills while Carl was upstairs. “Man people change you know that, I never hated her even after she dumped me.”

“I didn’t say anything about hate it’s just no good person would say the things she did, she saw how you dealt with things.”

“She wasn’t that bad but we all do mean things brother, The things Morales did changed her, you wouldn’t understand.”

It Hurt Rick to hear that because he wasn’t sure what Shane was alluding to but he was always there for him. He went upstairs to check on Carl, he couldn't defend himself to Shane anyway.

 

Carl wanted to ride down the road with his skateboard so Rick sat in his room bouncing a ball of the wall, it was how he dealt with stress and he was plenty stressed. He would deny Julie was part of the problem but how Shane said he wouldn’t understand the Morales thing made him think Shane's ex had been beaten and he didn’t wish that on anyone but now he felt Shane would attach to her and it took him so long to get past her.

He caught the ball he was bouncing just as the door was knocked. “Come in.”

Shane walked in and looked over his spare room, Rick hadn’t done much to make it his and a little piece of him didn’t like that because it might mean he could pack up and leave easily. “Heard you with that damn ball.”

“Sorry.”

“It wasn't bothering me, I know that means something's bothering you.”

“Nothing's bothering me.” Rick said sitting down and taking his friend in, he was wearing sweats but they were tight fitting.

Shane sat next to him. “Bullshit you do that when you're mad or stressed and I didn’t even hear that ball going when you caught Lori with Philip.”

Rick rolled the ball against his legs. “She did so much to you Shane.”

“It’s my life to live, if she does it again it’s my fault and me who has to deal with the fallout.”

Rick pressed down on the ball. “You really think that? When I had to pick you up from the bar? You went after Joe Claimer! He could have killed you. You cried after driving to my house drunk. She could have destroyed you and she wouldn’t have even known because she moved and didn’t leave you any contact information. We would have been here grieving and her living.”

“I was in a bad place, she just contributed to it.”

“Forget about it.” Rick was so scared that Shane was finally going to crumble back then, leave him alone. He was the only one in his life that knew his parents and it scared him thinking that the only one he shared those memories with would be gone. It scared him thinking the only one he loved other than Lori at the time and his son would cease to exist.

“I know I put you through a lot.”

Rick huffed. “Right.”

“It’s like you always tell me man. Talk to me.”

Shane finally regained control of his life, stopped drinking so much and came to work on time, it took lots of dinners with his family and talking but he go through it without even seeing a psychiatrist which Rick really wanted him to do. “I thought you were going to die.” He whispered.

“You never told me that, just bragged about how I got it together. Called me strong.”

“You were.” All Rick did was pick him up off the floor, he did the rest.

“Still you never told me you thought I was going to die.”

“You drove drunk Shane, I thought you were going to wreck or get alcohol poisoning or pick up drugs and you didn't. You got better. What was the point of mentioning I thought I was going to lose you but you gave her power. I don’t want you to do that again.”

Shane saw Rick gripping the red balls almost crying and he rubbed Rick’s thigh. 

“Maybe it’s selfish but you and Carl’s are all I got. He didn’t know my parents.”

“What’s this got to do with your parents?”

Rick turned to him looking steadily into his eyes. “You got me through that, only you. All those morning breakfasts and dad taking us fishing, mom baking us cookies and reading to us even though we were too old I shared all that with you and I don’t know, it was just hard to think that I would be the only one left to remember them that if I died no one else would know them, it would be like they didn’t even exist and it’s not even that you're my brother. There's no one that knows me like you, even Lori. Even when I thought she hung the moon I knew you knew me better and me you. I stayed awake at night wondering where you where, if you were still breathing, worried you were dying in a ditch. I don’t ever want to worry like that again.”

Shane didn’t say it because it was crazy, sounded like Rick looked at him more than a friend. The despair in his eyes was holow when he described how he felt after holding it in too long but that wasn’t right. Rick was just his friend, it sounded like he formed an weird attachment to what they shared with his parents too. Shane was overthinking things.

“So you want me to ignore her?”

Rick knew he sounded silly. “No I just want you to take what she says with a grain of salt. Give it time to be proven right what she says.”

Rick felt guilty lying to Shane because as soon as he brought up his parents he knew it wasn’t that deep, sure he thought that but it was more a sadness of finding his friend dead. Not being with him as he died and that scared Rick more than anything.

“I can do that.” Shane said and took Rick’s ball squeezing it before throwing it against the wall. “This shit don’t make me feel anything more than just throwing a ball at a wall.”

Rick laughed and let it go, Shane would listen to him and tread carefully with Julie. That’s all that mattered he convinced himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My readers/comments have went down so this was going to be my last chapter but I will grace you still here with one more chapter with smut.

Rick grumbled awake smacking the alarm clock, he had to work today and he groggily got into the shower and let the water soak through his bones. Downstairs he stepped slowly groaning at chipper voices and the sound of his gourmet coffee brewing. Julie was flipping her hair as he walked in and grinned and waved. “Hey Rick!”

“Hey.” He gritted out pouring a cup of coffee seeing it was two cups short. One of those cups didn’t bother him as much as the second.

Pouring in the sugar he turned and crossed his arms at a large basket of muffins.

“Figured you boys could use it.”

Pulling bread from the breadbox he put it in the toaster. Shane crossed his own arms and shook his head as Rick ignored him and got out bread.

“Carl really loves your muffins Julie, he took half of them home when he left.” Shane bragged.

Pouring milk into his coffee Rick willed the toaster to work faster and pulled it out piping fresh to smear it with butter. 

“I'll meet you at the station.” Rick didn't bother to turn as he poured his coffee into a mug and took his slices of toast on the go no matter it was thirty more minutes before he had to leave.

The precinct was dull, no one had been arrested but two calm usuals for public drunkenness. He gave Merle and Joe their breakfast ignoring their backtalk and name calling. 

Rubbing his tired eyes he started up some reports he had to finish from yesterday and looked at a photo of him and Shane from their first day on the job. He would never tell his friend that he was scared one of them would be dead by now on the job and he flipped the frame away from him not sure why his friend was always on his mind now.

Captain Morgan came up behind him and clapped his back. “Early bird today I see. I hope Shane comes in with more muffins.”

With that Morgan was gone and Rick closed his report and stared at the screen, also a photo of him and Shane he realized. Right clicking he changed it to a picture of a giraffe and groaned. Julie had been to the house every morning and night for a week now. Shane was happier and that was good but he didn't  
like her, never hated before the day she dumped his friend but now the click of her heels made him angry.

Shane came in grinning broadly, Morgan ran to him and he gave him two wrapped muffins then put a bag of them on his desk and turned to Rick. 

“We could have rode here together and saved gas.”

“All the sudden your environmental?” Rick spoke dully without looking up.

“What's up with you man? You've been grouchy all week.”

“I don’t know. It’s not like my wife fucked my neighbor and Carl got suspended.” Rick spat.

Shaking his head Shane turned on his computer. “One makes sense.” He spat back deciding to ignore Rick.

When lunchtime came Rick stood up and didn't’ say a thing as he went down a few blocks to the diner and only got himself a meal eating it there and walking back, he needed to walk, cool down. He was never an angry guy but the pull was greater suddenly and he slowed as he approached the precinct.

Inside Shane sat back eating a burger and smirked at Rick hiding the hurt of being left, they always at together.

The last hour dragged by at a snail’s pace. Nothing had happened all day and a few cops left early with permission. With ten minutes left to go Shane left him and went home and Rick stared at the clock as the minutes ticked on.

Something was wrong, Shane saw his photo pushed to the side. Rick had forgot to log off his computer at break and he saw a freaking animal on his screen. He had been aggressive with him all week and he had enough of this shit.

Running some laps around his house after changing he went to the back angry at his work shed he was proud of days ago. He threw a shovel against it and started to do push ups in the heat, he could be reckless when like this especially when he didn't’ understand something and he did nothing to deserve being ignored.

Nobody else could make him feel this way but Rick.Panting he rolled over and closed his eyes in the harsh sun, he could sleep and never wake up.

Rick went to the grocery store even mad he still picked up Shane’s favorite cereal and decided to make tacos tomorrow which his best friend loved. At the checkout he realized over half his groceries were for Shane, the rest for Carl, and a few sparse items were for him. Still he stayed in line and brought it home.

The house was quiet when he arrived home and he shoved things into their places none too gently. He angrily slammed the cereal cabinet shut and called out for Shane but heard no reply. “Figures.”

Sitting down he turned on the tv then shut it back off giong to Shane’s open bedroom, he was nowhere so he went outside and ran when he saw his friend.

“Shane?” 

His skin was too tacky and flushed when he touched it and he slapped at his head relieved when disheveled eyes looked at him. 

“Wha…?” Shane asked parched.

“You stupid fucker.” Rick pulled him up.

All weight on him he guided Shane into his bedroom bath and stripped him down. 

“Don't need that.” Shane slurred.

“Stop!” Rick slapped his arms away and stripped him to his boxers before turning the shower to cold.

Shane flinched at the cool stream and tried to step out.

“No! You got too hot.”

Standing there She held his sides and flinched at the cold washrag dragging across his skin.

“Shh I got you.”

“I want out.” Shane garbled.

Knowing the problem and that confusion didn't’ help Rick got in and held him close. “It’s just me huh? Rick. We’re just taking a quick shower.”

Shivering himself he touched Shane’s skin satisfied it was cooled and led them out. He wrapped Shane in a towel before undressing himself to his own boxers and wrapping himself as well. 

“Come on.” 

Shane was slow but followed him more aware of his surroundings now.

“Pull your boxers off.” Rick instructed and got out a long shirt. 

Trembling fingers went for a waistband and pulled frustrated when they wouldn’t come down. 

“It’s okay.” Rick assured him and pulled them off and tucked Shane in.

He pulled his own boxers off and went to leave when pitiful eyes looked at him. “You burned me in the shower.”

Rick turned around, apparently Shane wasn’t all with it yet.

“No Shane you were hot and I cooled you down.” He corrected and got under the covers trying not to think of Shab's abusive father and his uncalled for discipline.

Waking up from a bad dream Shane pulled down the sweat drenched covers and looked at Rick vaguely remembering what happened earlier, he could never be too ashamed exposing himself to his friend so he dressed and went downstairs to heat himself up some leftovers.

The doorbell rang as soon as he was finished. 

“Julie!” 

“Hey I made my first batch of sourdough bread and wanted to share.” She handed over the loaf and trampled in like she owned the place.

“Gross tuna.” She fanned at her nose.

“It’s not too bad, Rick made it.”

“He’s a shit cook.”

Shane turned her around, she was so close to his face. “Don't be like that.”

“Always his cheerleader.” She touched his nose and leaned in. 

The kiss was like old times, their lips melding as one. Never had he felt so at peace as he did with Julie. Her long nails raked across the nape of is neck sending prickles of shock down his core at his hair was touched.

She pushed him back leading him backwards to the living room where she fell over him on the couch. She unbuttoned her cheetah print top letting her breasts pour out and pushed Shane’s hand to them as she kissed him.

Shane put a leg around her thrusting up into her and he kissed her back deeper moaning when fingers traveled down to his crotch and squeezed before unzipping his jeans.

Rick woke up and went to his room to change, his stomach grumbled and he sat on the bed frustrated at Shan's actions He was self destructive and he knew better than to shun him. The shower incident was proof of that, he remembered the red angry skin Shane would come to him with, how he would smear down his burnt skin in aloe, his dad would shove him into scalding water weekly for any little thing. He needed to wrap his head around his emotions if only he knew how he felt. Having his own issues he couldn't quite get what his mind and body was trying to say and he closed his eyes and walked out the door, all he could do was eat and try to figure it out tomorrow.

He heard kissing and moaning as he came closer to the kitchen and stopped. Shane couldn’t be watching porn downstairs when he had his own tv in his room but then again he had been left in his friends bed. Stepping closer he froze in horror at Julie’s bare back facing him, her legs straddling Shane tightly. His mind said run but he couldn’t, instead he stayed glued in place as she pushed up and down on Shane.

He went to turn but Julie looked his way, he saw her breasts as she turned.

“What the hell?” She screamed.

He wanted to say sorry but couldn’t manage that as he ran outside and across the sidewalk running wherever his feet would take him.

“He was watching us!” Julie screamed as she sat up.

“He’s not like that.”

“You always defend him!”

Shane stood up and dressed, he hadn't’ even penetrated her yet and hearing her callous words made him glad he didn’t.

“That fucker is more messed up than you used to be!” She spat dressing quickly.

“What did you say?”

Freezing over a button she calmed herself. “I didn't’ mean it like that.”

“Please tell me what you did mean then huh?” Shawn said too calmly realizing Rick’s warnings were right.

“I’m just talking, your pervert of a friend got me riled up.”

“Get out!” Shane put his shoes on and stared her down.

“What?” 

Running to the kitchen he got the bread and pushed it to her stomach. “I said get the fuck out and don't’ ever come back! Ever! You hear me?”

Julie was shoved to the door, Shane kept his temper in check and didn’t get aggressive. “I’m not a screw up and nothing's wrong with Rick! You are the only problem here!” He slammed the door in her face then went for his car keys.

Rick sat on a swing, his bare feet burning with small cuts. The scenario running through his mind of Shane with Julie, he knew they would get back together. She was probably good for him, maybe she had changed. It was wrong of him to not want them together. Shane deserved to be happy and if gaining fifty pounds on good cooking with a screeching mouth was his thing so be it.

It didn't feel right and he closed his eyes, his life was a mess he realized before he moved in with Shane. He wasn’t happy with Lori, he didn't’ love her. The grass had to be cut every weekend and the plants watered by him only. Friends of his and Carl’s couldn’t come over and he was miserable.

Footsteps came up, one’s he knew for years and he looked down in shame. 

“There you are.”

Shane would always find him, always did besides this was his got to place.

Shawn got on the swing beside him and pumped his legs. “That night your parents died and you aunt couldn’t find you I knew you were here.”

Dragging his feet across dirt Rick listened.

“We’re a pair, can’t talk out how we feel and just run or work ourselves out.” 

Shane bumped him but he didn't’ look up. “Get sick of always being right?”

Rick stopped then. “What?”

“Juli didn't have nice things to say about you or me. It came out in her anger, I should have seen she couldn’t change.”

Pushing off again Shane glided on the swing. “She told me last week she pressed charges on Morales before she came back home. I just trusted her but when I looked it up just now turns out his records clean. He probably didn't’ even abuse her.”

It didn't’ matter much as far as Rick was concerned.

His own swing stopped and Shane kneeled looking up at him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Shaking his head in a repeated no Rick looked down at his hands. “I think I get it but you have to let me know if I'm wrong.”

Shane moved up and pulled his face closer, it was dark but in the moonlight he could still see his dark brown eyes. He was kissed, just a peck but when he stayed still Shane darted his tongue in and he pulled Shane to him closer kissing him like his lips could give him life.

There was no telling how much time passed, Shane's tongue exploring his mouth in no hurry and they only pulled apart when they needed air. 

“I was so stupid.” Rick groaned pressing his head to Shane's.

“Yeah well usually that’s me.” Shane laughed and pecked his lips. “This means this is okay right because I can’t take another rejection.”

“Yeah.” Rick stood and hugged him close. “We’re good.”

They walked to the car together holding hands like an old couple. At home Shane ushered him up the stairs and bandaged up his feet. They slept in Shane’s bed that night for once knowing it was the right place to be with no denial. Rick held him close and kissed his neck. “I'll never leave you, know that Shane.” He whispered into sleepy ears finally at home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pleased with my ending, this was fun to write.

Shane woke up slowly not panicked about his surroundings, he was warm and huddled up comfortably under a comforter that he knew was way too warm for Rick. He cracked an eye and didn’t see Rick, for just a minute an emotion of panic seeped through his veins before he reminded himself that Rick was different, he was his best friend and would always be there. That’s when he noticed the scent of cooking sausage.

Sitting up slowly in bed he rubbed his eyes and placed a foot out of his cocoon of warmth only for the door to swing open. 

“Hey honey.”

Rik was grinning ear to ear wearing his overgrown shirt and he had a plate. Taking it he saw it was simple which was best when it came to Rick and a kitchen. Just a homemade sausage biscuit, scrambled eggs, and some grapes. He inhaled deep at the scent of fresh ground coffee as a cup of black coffee was handed to him as well.

His friend sat at the corner and he shook his head, Rick was more than a friend. 

“You going to eat?”

Rick grabbed his hand a kissed it. “Nah, done ate.”

That ocean of blue didn’t leave his gaze as he cleaned off his plate, the moment he was done eating it was taken from his hands. 

“Hmm this is dangerous, I could get used to it.” Shane moaned out stretching his toes.

“I want you to.” Rick admitted and curled up under the covers with him. “I hate to do this.”

Fear ebbed in once more but an evil glint in Rick’s eyes told him it was nothing bad. He yelped at icy hands touching his warm stomach and sliding against him.

“Stop!” 

At that Rick pulled back the covers and pounced on him, lips catching his neck and face, his own lips, anywhere they could fund and the hands dipped lower. 

“This okay?” A honey voice cooed at him, hands not brushing down further before they were accepted.

“Yes.” Shane answered grinding up into Rick.

“I want you so bad.” Rick whispered,

Goosebumps lingered across Shane’s flesh as Rick nipped his ears and sucked on an earlobe.

“Have me then.” Shane rasped. Too many a night he imagined this scenario right here.

Rick hurried to strip him not inspecting his body and he undressed as well. Shane had to stare as Rick stood up and got the lube that was too easy for him to find, he didn't’ even look sheepish as he took it and squirted it onto his fingers.

Shane had played around but wasn’t sure which position was right.

“I want to see your face.” Rick said as if reading his mind. “But on your knees might be better.”

Standing on them he turned, his ass exposed but he didn't’ shudder because he already knew he would be taken care of.

“So pretty.” Was praised into the air and then a wet finger slipped across his hole petting him in small fingered strokes.

It wasn’t enough but still he moaned out at a nudge to his hole, Rick plunged the tip of his finger in and moved it in further.

“Breath baby.” At the command Shane realized he had tensed.

Exhaling he put some pillows under him and spread his legs further.

“Trying to get me excited?” Rick asked breathlessly.

Fingers pushed against his hole again and he inhaled evenly at the first finger entering him, it slipped in effortlessly. Of course it did after what he had done to himself before Rick even knew his feelings. A second digit joined in, they pushed and pulled across his walls.

Thickening at the sight Rick stroked himself then kissed Shane’s asscheek blowing playfully into his hole. When Shane squirmed he snickered and kissed at his shiny rim.

“Oh shit.” Shane sighed out.

Like an urging plea Rick licked a broad stripe across his hole and delved a tongue in, stocking Shane slowly, He only stiffened more at Shane's hands soaking him with precum.

“Rick.” Shane pulled on his fingers all needy.

“Shh I got you.”

Pushing another finger in three plunged in deep finding his prostate. Shane pushed his ass back huffing as beads of sweat gathered along his body. Testing what he could take Rick pushed his hole apart with both hands pleased with the suitable gape. 

“Think youre ready?”

“Yes!” Shawn practically screamed.

Swatting his ass gently Rick lubed his dick and lined up. He pulled strong thighs closer to him and eased in groaning at tight walls inviting him in. Balls deep he grasped Shane’s leg and pulled back and thrust in with a small action. When Shane moaned and pushed back he increased his speed satisfied that Shane could take it.

An even echo of skin slapping on skin filled the room, Shane’s hands gripped his that held his hips in place. A dark spot of precum spread across the sheets and he could only be proud Shane not touching himself so he rewarded him.

“Oh shit.” Shane cried out when he jerked him hard, his thrusts not dying down.

“So tight but I know you played around with that ass.”

Rick still pushed and pulled gently even when he sped up and “lucky” danced across Shane's mind as he withered. A few pumps later and Shane released onto his bed trying not to cry out in overbearing arousal when Rick slid across his sensitive prostate. Still he grinded back lying limp when Rick’s seed released thicky inside his walls.

“So nice.” Rick stroked him once more then pushed him to a corner to put clean sheets on the bed.

Not having to move except to get to the other side Shane collapsed surprised when the thick comforter enveloped him again. He thought he would nap alone but Rick got under the covers with him and ran his hands through his hair massaging at his neck when hands ended up there.

“You know, you're not my best friend anymore.”

The words weren’t threatening and Shane snuggled in closer. “Hmm?”

“You’ve always been my everythang but now youre my partner.”

The steady diseased pang that always stuck to his heart like glue lifted away, like it dissolved right into his bloodstream.

“I love you Rick.” It didn't’ scare him to say it aloud.

Scotting in impossibly closer Rick kissed his peck and curled up on his chest like he was the one being supported and maybe sometimes he was.

“I know and I love you too.” Rick sang calmy like the final words to a song and Shane just knew deep inside, not even buried under the surface where he couldn’t scratch it that this was it. Him and Rick would be together forever like a flame that never burned out.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably going to get heavy before it gets fluffy.


End file.
